Friday, March 28, 2014

Thai food and glitter poo.

The weirdest things seem to only happen to me. I mean I know it happens to other people but I haven't heard of it so I am assuming it's just a me thing. I ordered chicken pad Thai mild plus spice. (Don't judge me I'm a wimp with spices) I am scarfing my food down while on a conference call about a training I was going to do in a few hours. It was already a long was essential. All of the sudden the spices tickled my throat and I start to cough, I mean horrid cough, choking cough. I keep whispering I'm ok and finally I have a huge cough and two rice noodles come out my nose...and hang there. Seriously, I pulled rice noodles with mild plus spice from my nostrils. It was hilariously gross. I shared with who I was talking to and I know it was so disgusting but I could stop laughing. I kept blowing my nose and more and more bits came out. At this point I'm choking from laughing. I gain my composure to finish the call and found a nice corner to process what happened.  It was so random and weird I am still giggling from it. But most importantly I completely grossed Gunz out by retelling the story! Mission Accomplished! 

Here is something I found on Pinterest to give the person who has everything!!! 

Monday, March 24, 2014

Watch out world my mom got an iPhone

So my mom got an iPhone on Thursday "Well it was free. Why not?" She says. I'm here to give you some awesome insight to the world of a 74 year old mother trying out her iPhone. The day she got it to set up I go to visit, which I do about 3-4 times a week, and she is all prettied up. She was excited about her new phone she exclaims "I even did my hair so I can take a selfie!" My nephew 'goldilocks' and I immediately tweet and post what she said. Of course she wanted fb on her phone which my Hubs  Gunz installs along with her banking and email. She loves Candy Crush so of course that had to be on there as well. ( all jokes aside my mom is pretty badass with her technology) I also showed her how to 'favorite' numbers so she can just find them easily. Of course I only did mine because that's how I roll and my other siblings can do theirs if they want :D. Later in the day I get a call from Mom, I answered it excited to hear from her and it's just background noise, I think she was at the grocery store. I shout, I yell but she obviously butt dialed me. I send her text message and she said she thinks she butt dialed 10 other people so far. 
Oh mother, bless your heart. 
The next day I check in on her progress and she explained that she FaceTime people and seemed excited except she didn't know how she did it. I love her! Sunday comes along and we always go to mom and dads for dinner. This time my sister and her kids and my brother and his family were there so some of the quotes were priceless to me. 

Show me how to screenshot
Can you beat this level of candy crush for me?
Is that a trash can?
Why is Shelly so big??? (She accidentally zoomed in on a photo)
How do I answer a call?
Do I push the red thingy to hang up?

As you can see she is so precious! 

If you don't know me or my family here is a little insight, no one is ever wrong and we use our smart phones to look up everything to prove ourselves right. It's what we do. 
I was looking up something earlier in the day on my moms safari, something about Mercer University and where it's located. So while playing cards we were still talking about it and my mom was so excited to look it up on her phone. Without remembering I used her phone to look it up she was surprised that the phone knew what she was thinking to look up because Mercer was already loaded in her safari! My brother, being the equal smartasses as I am, said "yes mom, the new phone can guess what you are thinking!" 
Needless to say, my mother has an iPhone and that's so rad, and I am seriously proud of her. She's a smart lady and will have this phone down in no time.
I snapped a shot of her using the front facing camera. Isn't she adorable!

I love you mom!! 

Monday, March 17, 2014

What's that smell??!

As the Great Thaw of 2014 approaches the smell of spring is in the air! And by smell I mean dead skunk smell. Seriously, why does that smell put a sting in your nostrils for days? Ugh. Other signs of spring, not the flower buds popping up. But the awesome bloated body's of critters from possum to squirrels. It's sad really. Like the thought of them frozen there all winter, or even worse. Fresh road kill. Coming out of hibernation and SMACK! Dead. Wow, this is a gruesome post. 
Anyway, enjoy the crisp skunk free air if ya got it, I think I will smell some clean laundry instead. 


Saturday, March 15, 2014

Doggy Doo and Don't

As I sit here looking out the bay window I notice the snow slowly melting. This reminds me of spring cleaning. Not the household spring cleaning, because I'm domestically disabled, but the Great Day Of Dog Crap Pickup. A winter from hell has been wonderful masking the tremendous amount of shit in the yard. I love my dog so much that I thought who wouldn't want to clean up after his fecal matter? I instantly thought of Teen. He wanted the dog so bad, so he can be, as he called it " an excrement exterminator, waste warrior, poop paladin, and a fecal fighter"
Have I shared yet that my kids are extreme smartasses? I totally blame their parents! 
Anyway, pretty sure the day of the poop patrol Teen will lift a hefty bag of crap, and in turn get a hefty reward. So, until then, I'll stare out the window thinking of Teen pick up poo and continue to giggle until dinner. 

Here is a few pics of the poop pup

Thursday, March 13, 2014

My day....seriously

 My day started out normal...take Bubba to the bus stop freeze my nose hair. You know no biggie. Oh by the way. Michigan weather is an asshole. 
Anyway head to my folks for a visit. They have a dog that is insatiable about her stupid tennis ball. She likes to shove the stupid slimy ball into your crotch and you have to squeeze your thighs together for her to release it. So after a gazillion tosses of said slimy ball, I am getting irritated.  I decided to throw the ball at wicked speed to show the dog I'm done. Well of course it hits the wall 3 ft away and bounces and smacks me straight in the face, knocks my glasses off. Parents and niece cracking up and the dog waiting for me to get the ball. Good times.
So after the ball to the face incident, things seem better. Get to work and for some reason my belly button itches! A volunteer wanted me to test some mayo to see if I thought it was still good, well I thought it was and then my tongue went numb. (Random thought: puppies breath makes my nose and mouth numb too, is that normal?)  Anyway, the conversation turns to my hatred of Michigan State and then going cow tipping...not making this up. Finally, I get a prank call from friends talking about donuts shoved up buttholes. Who prank calls anymore???? And there is still time in my night for more bizarre antics. What are the odds that shit like this happens. 
ps my belly button still itches.
Until the next adventure of a day in the life of me. (Thought you might enjoy this picture of the wiener mobile)

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Hello blogging world!

Okay, so I had the weirdest dream I was an amazingly famous blogger. This was the blog name I dreamt about, so it stuck!
So here is me being famous and shit. A bit about me. I'm obsessed with unicorns I have two boys. We shall call them Teen and Bubba. They provide awesome entertainment which I will probably share with you. My husband, Gunz  is pretty rad as well. We are like a wacky sitcom, so we've been told. Anyhoooo, just wanted to pop my cherry in the blogging world and I hope you enjoy.